The future

The future, and planning for it, can feel daunting. I’ve started to work hard at not planning too far ahead.

My partner’s job takes him all over the place, sometimes with just 12 hours’ notice, and then plans are thrown out the window. If I don’t plan, I can’t be disappointed if plans change or don’t happen how I want.

But it’s not just that. Actually, since when should I be making all the plans for my life, when I know someone much greater, stronger and with a bigger view of the world has planned every minute of my life? Why don’t I trust Him to deliver, and take that worry away from me?

I worry about a lot of things, so planning for the future, and what may or may not happen, is something that I’m aiming to worry less about. I’m not saying it’s easy to trust God with my entire future, but it feels much more secure trusting Him that it does crossing my fingers and planning everything to the Nth degree, only for everything to change and then I fall apart feeling like I need to start at square one again.

Over the last few months, well probably 18 months, I’ve not known what I’m wanting to do with my life, but I’m finally settling in to a ‘that’s ok’ kind of reaction to this. It’s ok that I don’t know what is around the corner, it’s ok that I don’t know what kind of job I’ll have in five years time. I still have an ambition of the kind of role I want, but how I get there? I’m ok with seeing where life takes me.

And you know what? A lot of that is down to have responsibility for two amazing young people. No, they’re not with me most of the time, and rarely with me alone, but they are two inspirational people who are going to change the world, and I want to be a role model for them. I don’t want them to grow up thinking they need to worry all the time, plan everything, or to think that high levels of stress is normal. I want them to see that hard work is rewarded, and that being kind, to love and be loved, and to know God are core values to hold on to.