Interpretations of the brain

I am fortunate to have what I have. I know I am. Faithful, honest friends, a close family, a warm home, a flat, a car and a job that I’m challenged in. However, my brain doesn’t always remember this.

I was recently getting my flat ready for sale. I’m fortunate to have the property ‘as an investment’. But all I could think about were the upsetting memories I had of things that happened there. Objectively, it’s a beautiful space. It’s light, spacious and nicely laid out. But my brain couldn’t help but go back to the negative times. I really want to change those memories, or at least shrink them so I can look back in years to come and remember the beautiful space it was, less so everything that happened there.

Equally my job is amazing. I’m fortunate to have secured a role during coronavirus, even more fortunate to be given the opportunity to step up and grow, develop and learn. However, the past knocks on my confidence are quick to return. Someone mentions they don’t know what I’m doing with my time and I immediately jump on the defensive. I don’t want to just appear busy for the sake of it, I don’t want to make mistakes, and I don’t want to let people down. I am quick to think that I’m doing all of these things, and need to remember that I was offered the role for a reason.

I have always had a real issue with having self confidence vs being egotistical, and I will always aim to be less confident to ensure I NEVER come across as egotistical. I have no idea where it’s come from as neither of my amazing parents are egotistical, it’s just a fear embedded within me!So how do I deal with these unhelpful interpretations? I catch up with friends, check in with them and remember what I have got outside of these scary moments. I remember that there is more to life, and that I’ve made it this far, and that One far greater than I knows what the future holds.

Keep on holding on, even when the brain makes its own interpretations that you know aren’t positive or completely true.